The Weight of Responsibility: A Personal Journey
Photo by The Double-Edged Sword of Responsibility
To be responsible for someone is a good thing. It gives a feeling of fulfillment. It gives courage to push and break barriers and do something. Everyone has some kind of responsibility; it could be for family members or sometimes for ourselves.
But, when you keep being a person from whom everyone expects success or to be responsible for taking care of them, it becomes a dead weight after some time, at least in my case. You try to lift it, and after years of journeying with this weight, you get where you want to be.
But, what about the journey?
Everyone has to go through a difficult path to be successful or achieve the things that they desire or become the person they want to be. And this is my story. I am by no means a millionaire or have an exceptional job or an amazing business.
I have a decent job, decent money, a decent place to live, and good people around me. That's it! I don't have any regrets about where I come from or who I was (ok, a bit of regret about this).
Struggling Despite a Seemingly Good Life
I have a good and understanding family (mostly), I had friends, I got the opportunity for good education. We had decent money as we were a middle-class family.
I was not poor but I was struggling — emotionally mostly.
You may ask, why was I struggling if I had a good life? I was struggling because of the expectations from family. By all means, I am not blaming them, but I believe when you put expectations on someone it should be done the right way.
Either you can drown them with burden or give hope and confidence. All depends on how these expectations or responsibilities have been put. I come from a background and culture where mental health was not considered an illness or an issue until a few years ago.
If you are coming from a similar culture, then you might have experienced the same. I was good during school time, and many people in my family have either not completed studies or have not used them. So, the expectations increased. I always hear them say something like this, "He is good with studies, he will get us out of this lifestyle."
I love my family and I want to do whatever I can to make sure they get what they want and what they could not get because of financial restrictions and their responsibilities.
I don't and can't blame them for when they put responsibility or expectations on me. Either they did not get support from their parents or they were burdened by responsibility as well.
I have been going through this for years now. I always think about what would happen if I lost my job, what would happen if I ran out of money and my family was relying on me. I always fear losing money, and I think this is the same for many people who are in the same place as I am.
I fear taking risks, I fear starting a business, I even feared switching jobs sometimes. I can't blame parents or family for this, but if you feel burdened and fear losing or not having enough money for years after years, then you drown in these fears.
So, what did I do? NOTHING!
I just asked my parents if they would need a huge sum of money in the upcoming future, of course apart from medical emergencies 🤷🏻♂️. If they said yes, I saved enough for me and my family that we could survive for 4-6 months — enough time to find a new job, mostly.
Did doing this help? This doesn't help me get rid of all my fears, but at least it helped a bit. This may or may not be the same for you, but you could try. And that is all we can do, we can just keep trying until the end!
A Message to Future Parents
In the end, I would just say this: if you are a parent or you are about to be, then think about how you would ask yourself what you are about to ask your child. How much can you ask and make them not feel stressed? What words, what kind of language can you use so that they don't feel burdened? How can you be friends with your child from the beginning — this is the best thing you can do.
Remember one thing, you are not your parents. You can always be a better version.
Okay, I got a bit sentimental there. And that's all for today.
See you in the next session 👋🏼